2nd Feb Evening
His left hand was holding my collar tight; the right was curled into a fist ready to punch at the slightest provocation. I had been cornered against the wall by his powerful frame. His eyes were more bloodshot than what I had seen even in a movie. His voice was filled with rage but I could feel the broken soul through his eyes.
‘This is my flat Ravish, get out of here.’ He shouted at my face as I felt his wrist smash into my upper jaw.
Never had I been in a situation where I wasn't supposed to retaliate and instead soak in all the anger being thrown at me.
‘We are room partners Rohan, just calm yourself down.’ I tried to reason with him in the simplest way possible.
‘Do you want me to bring the knife and slash your throat?’
‘No.’ I said with a lump in my throat. Looking at his rage filled eyes and voice I knew he meant it. He was out of his senses and could do anything his dysfunctional brain asked him to.
‘I will leave.’ I said as lightly as I could and moved my body towards the door. I was not expecting his grip to loosen up but surprisingly it did. I cast a glance at him for a second and opened the door to exit the room. His eyes looked at me as if he held a life-long grudge against me. It felt like someone wanted to hurt me real bad to extract revenge and somehow had let me go unscathed. I breathed a sigh of relief but I could feel the uneasiness in my friend. He began walking up and down the length of the apartment muttering something to himself while I tried to decide my further course of action standing outside the door.
Two of his friends, one colleague and his brother who had taken an emergency flight from his hometown were also standing outside the door near the staircase not able to come to terms with the situation. One of his friends had already called up a hospital and they were on their way. None of us was sure if Rohan had to be taken to a doctor or what was to be done so everyone was going by their gut and suggesting different plans of action. It was confusion all around and the stress of having to see a confident young man act so haphazardly all of a sudden. Although I knew in my heart that the whole episode did not happen all of a sudden and the seeds were sown in the past few days.
29th January
I had been woken up by Rohan at 5 am in the morning.
‘Hey man, get up. I want to ask you something important.’ He had said loud.
I tried to open my eyes but found it really tough to understand why I have to wake up at an odd hour like this.
‘What is it?’ I asked irritated.
‘It's really important. I need your complete attention. Get up for a few minutes.’
‘Ok. Tell me now.’ I got up rubbing my eyes.
‘I think I am in depression. My mental state is not doing well these days.’ He said to my utter disbelief.
‘Why do you say so? What's ailing you?’
‘Everything around me seems sad to me. I don't get to talk to you or the other people here when I am home. I don't feel good watching television or any movies. Anshu rejected my proposal, my parents are calling me home and I don't feel like going.’
‘Hold on. These are too many things. Tell me one by one.’
‘When did you propose to Anshu? This is by far the most important of all the things.’ I asked with a lot of interest.
‘Last week.’
‘And why did she say no.’
‘Because she feels our friendship will get affected.’
‘God damn, these women and their perception of friend zoning. If you are serious about her, don't let her go. Be there for her.’ I tried to be as reasonable as possible considering the situation was a little tough for me to give an advice.
‘I am trying to but I feel hurt inside.’
‘Try to breathe a little. You will surely feel better. I use that technique all the time.’
‘Ok.’ He said trying to breathe a little deep visibly frustrated at my lack of intellect in giving him a feasible solution.
‘And yes I agree we don't get to talk much while we are here. I believe it's due to our timings.’ I tried to prolong the conversation to understand what was going through his mind.
‘Hmm, I know and I feel lonely when you guys are not here.’
‘I can understand buddy. But remember we are always there for you.’
‘What about the parents asking you to come home? What's wrong in going home? It will be a mental change of sorts for you.’ I tried to bring sense in his confused mind.
‘I don't feel like going there. They are going to pester me for getting married or about finding a better job.’
‘They are your parents. You need to understand they are going to be like this. It's you who has to listen to them.’
‘I don't want to compromise all my life and listen to all the shit around.’
‘That's what life's all about.’ I replied.
‘I know. But it's getting tough to hold on to this definition of life for me.’
‘You are a tough bloke. You should not lose hope so soon and so suddenly. I trust you completely.’ I said with a confident tone trying to instill some positivity in him.
‘I am contemplating doing some adventurous things now.’ He said with a smile. The smile was a forced one, I could sense.
‘It will be allright dude. Don't take so much stress in life that too so early in the morning.’ I said trying to soothe his nerves.
‘Thanks, brother. You are being a savior in these tiring times.’
‘The tiring times bring out the best or the worst in you. It's you who has to decide the course of action which in turn will get you to your destination.’
‘Should I sleep back now?’ I asked with a smile.
‘Oh yes. Please. I will meanwhile freshen up. Have to go office early.’
I didn't know but Rohan had already taken a shower three times that night. This was the fourth time and he was singing songs while in the shower. I listened for a few seconds before going back to sleep.
1st Feb evening-
‘Hey Ravish. How are you?’ I was greeted by a smiling Rohan as soon as I entered the flat that evening after getting back from work.
It had been two days since I had that early morning discussion and Rohan seemed a lot better as compared to that morning. In the last two days, we had spoken at a length about politics, sports and other things. Not even once did I feel pangs of depression in him or maybe he had been hiding it too well.
‘Hey man. I am doing fine. How about you? Back so soon from work?’ I replied with a big smile.
‘Oh yes. I had to get high.’
‘Really? You don't look high. You look pretty relaxed.’
‘It's the high which makes me relaxed. Don’t you know?’
‘Oh yes, that could be. Whom did you get high with?’ I asked trying to sustain the conversation.
‘A colleague had come over. He was feeling the pangs as well.’
‘That's great man. Finally there is some fun and grass around in the air. ‘
‘Oh yes, plus I am going home in the morning. My parents have booked my flight.’
‘Nice, that’s a good decision. If you want my help in packing let me know.’
‘Sure.’ He said and went to his room and I got busy with having my dinner.
Later that night, Rohan took yet another shower and went out to party with some of his colleagues. I was beginning to get worried for he had a flight to catch the next morning Then again, he happened to be an independent well thought out human being who always knew what he was getting into. He came back late in the night and did create a temporary ruckus around which I imagined was him packing his stuff for the flight.
2nd Feb, 6 am
The blanket I had covered my body with was forcibly taken off in a singular moment of brute force and madness.
'Holy shit.' I said as I woke up with a start and saw Rohan standing with a smile on his face.
'I am leaving for home Ravish, won’t you drop me to the airport.'
'Oh, sorry. Why didn’t you wake me up earlier? What time is your flight?'
'It’s in two hours.' He said.
'Ok, let me get ready. Book the cab till then and we will drop you.' I went in the other room to wake my roommate and asked him to accompany me to the airport. Going to the airport so early in the morning and coming back alone seemed like a boring preposition.
Both of us got ready and hopped in the cab along with Rohan. The early morning breeze was hitting our sleepy eyes and calming our numb brains. The ride to the airport felt too smooth with hardly any traffic present but it was interrupted when out of nowhere Rohan had an urge to have some tea and a smoke.
'Guys, can we take a small break here? We are not expecting any traffic so let me have a smoke before I reach the airport.' He asked us very affectionately.
Reluctantly we got down from the cab when we found the nearest tea stall. The airport was still twenty minutes away and we were confident that the tea break won’t have any effect. Little did we know that the tea break would bring one of the biggest surprises of the day?
We had almost finished the tea and I went to pay the stall owner while Ajay, the other roommate was talking to the cab driver. Rohan, who had been standing nearby smoking, was nowhere to be seen. We tried to locate him around the cab but did not find him.
Suddenly the cab driver shouted pointing in the opposite direction of the road, ‘he is running sir, look that side’
Both I and Ajay started running but Rohan already had got a head start and he disappeared within the next fifteen seconds. The congested lanes and by lanes were going to be impossible to search a man who according to me was going without any direction. We were left with no choice but to call Rohan’s as well as our friends to find his whereabouts plus to get in touch with his family members. If his behavior for the last some days was erratic and warranted attention the whole episode of running away scared us to bits.
'Let’s go home.' I called out to Ajay as we hailed a cab and went back to our flat. Our phones never stopped ringing.
'It’s going to be a fucked up day.'Ajay said looking out of the window.
'Be assured of that.' I said. The back waters of the sea looked far more serene than the episode ringing in our brains.
We reached near our home and before even thinking of going back inside we went and had piping hot tea from our favourite vendor and a few smokes to calm our nerves. The phones were not answered during this time for the brain was so entangled in the thoughts that we could not think straight.
2nd Feb Evening Continued.
As we all were standing outside fearing Rohan might harm himself being alone inside the flat his best friend Ashu made up his mind and went to ring the door-bell. With the calmest possible voice he convinced Rohan to let him inside but the joy was short lived. Two minutes had passed since Ashu had entered and all of us were still wondering if things were under control, we heard a commotion from inside.
‘Get the fuck away from me.’ Rohan shouted at the pitch of his voice and came rushing out of the main door.
All of us were standing in his way but he was not willing to relent as he pushed his way through all of us and ran down the stairs. A friend was kicked and another was punched hard while all of us were hit by a shock wave. This was the second time in the day that I saw this man running away like a maniac and I did not know how to react. His friends and his brother ran after him in the hope that someone outside the society might be able to catch him. Not sure how but the lady luck smiled at that moment as the hospital ambulance entered the premises and Rohan’s friends called out to the ambulance staff for catching hold of him.
Many kicks, punches and bites later as he was finally taken to a hospital and administered medicines of sleep by the doctors were we finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. The next day, being his roomies we were called by the doctor for investigation and we were told that a chemical called dopamine had increased beyond permissible limits in his brain leading to this situation.
We visited the hospital for some days but till then his family members had arrived and they began to take good care of his health. The jovial, funny Rohan was put on anti-depressants and some more medicines for the next few weeks as we started to lose touch with him being busy with our own lives. Some of us lost a friend while some of us learnt a lesson about a disease that probably ails millions across the world and became friendlier towards him.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
P.S – Rohan is back to his jovial self even though those few days of that February remain etched in his and our minds forever.
